"Studying"

I love cold gray days. There is something so peaceful in the lingering nature of the clouds that hang above us. I'm not exactly sure what these days remind me of, but I know that I have nothing but fondness for the chill. I also love getting out of class after dark when daylight savings time is over; it makes me feel like I accomplished a lot. It's a nice feeling! I also love staring at people.

Of course, these wonderful gray days, where the sun sets by 6 has made this embarrassing hobby of mine a little bit harder, because I can't wear sunglasses. I have to mentally remind myself not to stare at people, because I'm not wearing something that hides my eyes. Personally, I would rather call it "studying" a person. It sounds a lot nicer and a lot less socially awkward.

I just felt judgement slap me in the face. But hey, that's me. I don't stare at people to judge them. I do it because I love details. I stare in your eyes while you talk because I love the freckle that sits beside your right eye. I love to notice the way your nose curves slightly at the end, or the way your muscles move beneath your skin when you run. I love to notice that you walk with a slight bounce, with your weight balanced on your toes rather than your heels. I also love to notice that you smack your mouth or moan when you eat something you love. I don't love when you do it, I just love to notice the little details about a person. It makes a person who they are. I love that. Sometimes I imagine the dialogue that goes on in your head. I find myself wondering what you're thinking about, and why it's making you fidget with your saxophone case. Sometimes I wish I could know. But maybe it's more fun to imagine. ("You" is not anyone in particular, rather a combination of people.)

Of course, I can hear my mother's voice: "Andey, it's not nice to stare." or "It's rude to stare." Or is it my mother's voice at all? This concept of etiquette has been drilled into our heads through various mediums since we were children. The blur of my mother's, meme's, and various TV mom's voices all kind of blend together, now.

It's interesting, though. Depending on the person you "study," it can be a negative or a positive thing. For example. There are some people that you can look at, and they assume that it's because you're thinking something horrible about them. I can't count the number of times that a fight would erupt in high school after a resounding "What are you looking at, bit*h?!"

But then, the other day, I had a different reaction. My roommate and I were sitting at a stop light, and it was raining quite heavily outside. My roommate laughs and says "Who does planks in the rain?!" I kind of laugh as I look over and see a guy getting up. I "study" him as he starts to walk away. He's a very nice looking man with beautiful muscles drenched in rain. He looks like he's staring at our car, and my roommate says "Andey, he's staring at us!" And I keep watching him. He can't see through the tint of my window. Suddenly, he waves. I wave back, and drive off as fast as I can. I'm not sure if I'm mortified or overjoyed that someone took staring so well!

You can tell a lot about someone, based on the way they take staring. If they freak out, they're one of two things: Paranoid or self conscious. If they embrace it, they're either crazy or way too over confident. (Both of which I admire.) So, if you catch me staring at you, don't think twice about it. I'm probably thinking about a way that I can incorporate you into one of my next stories or blogs!