Rain and Other Fairytales

The other day, I was told that I needed a reality check. Not in a rude or ugly way, but rather, in a caring way. I was told that I needed to see the ugliness in life sooner, rather than later. It is one of those things where "The higher you fly, the farther you fall." My friends did not want me to fall so far, but rather walk the rope with caution.

You know, I have seen the ugly in life. It's there. I know it is there. I know people can be real jerks sometimes. I know that the people you love most can hurt you the worst because they have been given access to a part of you that you have given to no one else.

But, why would I walk through such a beautiful life expecting only the worst of people? Because it hurts less? Because if you expect disappointment, it is a pleasant surprise when something goes right?

I am afraid of hurting, so it is so tempting to live this way. I am afraid of change. I am afraid of things going the wrong way. But I think beyond all of these other fears, I am afraid of fear controlling the way I live. I am willing to hurt if it means I am alive. All or nothing, right?

I know my life isn't a movie. I am not a princess. But, I will always try to see my life like a movie, because I know my life means something. I know I will have a happy ending, despite every hardship that I face. And although I am not a princess, I will always walk with the dignity and posture of a princess.  I believe in happily ever afters and pinch-me-I-am- dreaming moments. I believe in destiny and I believe in love. I believe in love at first sight and forever. Why shouldn't I? Sure, bad things happen all the time, but can you really appreciate the good without the bad?

Rain is a blessing. Without the rain, the earth would be brown and bare. The flowers wouldn't grow. The soil wouldn't be nutritious. Our lakes, rivers, and oceans would dry up and we would be without a water supply. Rain is a good things. You just have to get past the thunder and lightening to appreciate the beauty that follows the storm.

Vanity Post (Part 2)

So, this is a continuation of my vanity post from the beginning of the week :)

31. I HATE the sounds people make when they eat. Ie: Crunching chips or ice, smacking, slurping, etc. It drives me absolutely batty.

32. I love Jennifer Lawrence :)

33. I love the colors lime green and purple, but I love wearing white.

34. My best ideas come when I am driving and when I am showering. I try to do both as often as possible!

35. I love to work. It keeps me busy and it makes me feel like I am making my own.

36. I love smelling good, and I love people who smell good :))

37. I always smell like strawberries and pomegranates :)

38. Feet give me the heeby jeebies.

39. I am a sucker for people who speak spanish.

40. I want a tattoo, but I am terrified of making a decision so permanent.

41. I want a german shephard <3 :D

42. My favorite flower is the Oriental Lily. Its scientific name is the lilium orientalis, and it is also known as the stargazer lily <3

43. I love to play Apples to apples :D

44. I have this dream roomin my head... It involves a cherry mahogony room with a chandelier and a black grand piano :)

45. I cant wait to live on my own, because my apartment will be so cute :)

46. I have the BIGGEST crush on Marcus Butler, the british youtuber! He is gorgeous AND funny :) And he has a lovely accent.

47. My favorite pizza is a stuffed crust with hamburger, sausage, pepperoni, peppers, onions, olives, mushrooms, tomatos, and pineapple. I know it sounds gross... but I love it...

48. X and Y are my favorite letters.

49. I have a plant named Sheldon :D He is named after my favorite character on the Big Bang theory. i have had him for 3 years.

50. I love using natural lighting.

Vanity Post (Part 1)

So, I have decided to write a vanity post. We all get that luxury, right? So, I have decided to write down 77 things that you may or may not know about me, but probably need to know if you want me to like you.

1. 7 is my favorite number. However, if I only wrote 7 things about myself, it would be a very short post. Therefore, what is better than one 7? 2 7's. What is better than 3 7's? I think you know the answer to that.

2. I am an English major at the University of Texas at Austin.

3. I love the school I go to. I love the city it is in. Austin is full of amazing people, opportunities, and things to do. If you are a city person, it is great. If you are a nature person, it is still the place for you.

4. I HATE living in Austin. I would love to live near Austin, but living in Austin is too much for me. When I came back to school two days ago, the first thing I heard when I stepped out of the car was the sound of an ambulance. It is so chaotic.

5. I want to live somewhere where I can see the stars.

6. I drink WAY too much coffee.

7. My favorite food is tater tot casserole. I made it for my family so many times in one month that my mother and brother no longer fancy the dish :)

8. I am a creator. I love to write, draw, cook, play music.

9. I LOVE reading. Fiction is my favorite.

10. I am a little obsessed with movies. I love sitting in a perfectly dark room in a comfy chair with a bottle of water and some reeses pieces while I enjoy that movie. 

11. I am such a ridiculous Disney fan, that I get goosebumps and teary eyed every time I see the castle at the beginning of a film.

12. I cried 3 times when I saw Frozen. (One of the best movies ever!!!!)

13. I cry every time Mufasa dies.

14. I cry through all of Les Miserables every time I watch that movie. I hate it.

15. I enjoy my fair share of One Direction. They are talented singers, and everyone who thinks otherwise can keep their opinions to theirselves :D

16. I am so tired right now. I am normally tired...

17. I am saving myself for marriage. I know sex is the new shimmy, but I only want to experience that special feeling with one person.

18. That being said, I have also never REALLY kissed anyone. I have been pecked on the lips, but have never had that real kiss. I am kid of stubborn about it. I always wanted it to be like that silly firework feeling you see in all of those movies.

19. My favorite colors are green and purple.

20. I don't drink soda.

21. I love McDonald's sweet tea.

22. I love French Fries. Of every kind. I love to dip them in gravy, ketchup, vanilla ice cream...

23. I also love gravy.

24. And stuffed crust supreme pizza with pineapple...

25. I should go on strange addictions.

26. I listen to music and watch movies on repeat!

27. My roommates and I are apartment hunting right now. I am so excited because I will have my own room! But the best part? I WILL HAVE A BOOKSHELF IN MY ROOM!!!!!

28. I believe it is all about the little things.

29. I am a very positive person for other people.

30. I can be a little pessimistic when it comes to things dealing with myself.

So, this is the first 30 of the list! If you have any questions or comments, shoot me a message! The next 47 will come in spurts over the next few days!

It's a New Dawn, It's a New Day, It's a New Life for Me...

And I'm feeling good.

For me, 2013 has been the year of experience. It has been the year that I've found myself actually growing up. I pay bills (not all of them by myself, thankfully), I have a credit card (that I regret ever signing up for), I have learned to ask for help and accept help (as much as it kills me) and I've learned to appreciate the little things.

In 2013, I had my first 3 jobs. First, I worked as a waitress. I loved the job I did. I loved the location (right across from my apartment). I loved the food, I loved my coworkers, and I even loved my boss. My problem? The way things were run were done in a very unethical manner. Although I am not at liberty to go into detail on this, having this job definitely made me question my integrity, and that is something I am not willing to compromise.

The next job I had was just a summer job, but it was really wonderful. I got to work with my best friend with kids. It taught me a lot about patience with people, and understanding of people's situations. This being said, it also made me realize that I don't think teaching is the right fit for me, but I have a strong admiration for the souls who were blessed with such an abundance of patience.

For awhile I found myself in a lull without a job. In this time period, I applied for over 30 different jobs and was doing everything I could to keep up with life. Blessed, I had parents who took care of everything for me, and a credit card (that I learned how to use in necessary situations). In this time period, I had stopped eating out, and I definitely owe a pretty penny to Wells Fargo on my credit card, not to mention, I will forever owe my soul to my amazing parents who work so hard to support me.

Finally, in November, I found myself blessed with another job, this time in retail. It's definitely been an emotional roller coaster. I have a very high respect for the people who can do this day in and day out for years at a time... because I have learned that retail is NOT for me. I travel from UT to Cedar Park several times a week, and spend so much on gas that a days worth of work doesn't even pay for my gas expenses.  But, I've met some of the most amazing people. Although I might not be able to afford to keep this job, I feel so blessed to have just had the job to begin with.

The happiest moments of my entire year were spent with my family: my immediate, extended (yes, this includes my dearest friends.. you know who you are), and my created family with the art and music major, and even the art major's dumb cat (who just so happens to be adorable, annoying, and wonderful all at the same time). Asking for help is the hardest thing in the world for me to do. In my head, I've always had this idea that I need to be this independent 20 year old, no matter what. I've found that pride cannot be a factor in survival in this big world. If I need help now, (I exhaust all of my options first) I ask for it. There have been moments when I would eat peas for dinner or go without a razor for much too long (longer than I care to admit) all because I had too much pride to ask for help. Although I can never repay all of the help my family has provided for me, I can safely say this: I couldn't do it without you. 2013 was by far the HARDEST year I've experienced in my 20 years, because I spent so much time growing up. But, it was not the worst year, because I've learned so much from it.

I know it's a bit early for the New Years post, but I'm excited for another year. I am excited for new jobs, new classes, new experiences, and a fresh new start. I am blessed, though, that I am experiencing all of this newness with the family and friends that have stuck by me through all of my previous years. So, family, friends, and everyone else.... Thanks for the memories, the help, and thank you for my future. Thank you for 2013.

Happy Beginnings

So, as of late, there is this new song that I can't stop listening to. It's called "San Francisco" by the Mowgli's. It's upbeat, has an amazing melody, beat, and man... THAT TRUMPET. It makes me want to dance every time it comes on my iPod. Then, all of a sudden, I know the lyrics! It's amazing. Then slowly, I start to think about the lyrics I'm singing.

 "I've been in love with love,
and the idea of
something binding us together,
it's collectively unconsciously composed."

Let's think about those lyrics for a second. How often are we (or do we know someone who is) "in love with love?" They're always chasing after love. It's about the relationship, not the person. Deep, right? It's sad, but at the same time, I find myself even more fascinated with human beings through this concept. We are raised around movies and stories where the "happy ending" is finding companionship. (Belle falls in love with the Beast, Ariel gets to keep her prince and her deep sea friends, and every other romantic comedy in the world.) So as kids, we are trapped in the concept that to be happy or to have a "happy ending" we need to find companionship. Is this true?

My favorite movie of all time is Beauty and the Beast. Closely followed by Phantom of the Opera, Ever After, Tangled, The Lion King, and the pattern continues. I LOVE romantic movies, books, happy endings, and you name it. For a long time I believed that this screwed me over. When you have someone like me, you have one big problem: really high standards. People who face this problem do one of two things: They either settle for something less (because they can't find someone who meets these standards) or they just give up. I've taken both of these paths at different points in my life. I've met two men (ever) who made me believe that these fairy-tale princes actually exist.

The first was my dad. He's not perfect, of course. He and my mom have stupid little fights from time to time. But can you ever believe that Prince Charming didn't give Cinderella hell for running away with one shoe? What about Ariel trading her VOICE for Eric? They were ridiculous and the men probably teased them until they ended up in a knock down drag out. Of course, what is perfect? Maybe it's the imperfection in a relationship that makes it perfect. Maybe there is no "happy ending" only happy beginnings. So with this, I've decided every day is going to be a "happy beginning" for me.

I've realized I'm not "In love with love" but I am in love with Creation. People are so beautiful. Life is so beautiful. This sounds so corny. Don't get me wrong, I would love to meet Prince Charming who sweeps me away to infinity and beyond. I would love to travel the world with my sweetheart, then settle down on the beach and have a family. Could a girl ask for more? But my dad has given me faith that there are men out there who meet my standards. My parents, together, have made me believe in happy beginnings, here on earth. They have taught me that my "happy ending" is with God.

So, until my "happy ending" I'm going to live my life like every day is a "happy beginning." The world is a vast blanket, and I've only laid eyes on a single thread. I'll travel the world, meet new people, serve people, serve God, and if I happen to find companionship on my walk, so be it. God's will be done.

In the meantime, I am sorry I haven't posted much. My schedule has been crammed full. Between all of my final projects/tests/assignments due for school (which is over in two weeks! yay!) my jobs (Torrid, and COTA (I worked the F1 Races this last weekend)) I can't find time to breathe. If I don't post again soon, I hope everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving. I know we all have much to be thankful for.

Ignorance VS Stupidity

Today, I was browsing facebook while I was having my daily bowl of Cap'n Crunch (The kind without the berries. The delicious kind.) and my morning coffee. Its the one time of day I can just relax in the brief moment of chaos that we call college. While scrolling through, I stumbled across this video:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=338563789621565&set=vb.515222695222591&type=2&theater

With this written in the details:

{SHOCK VIDEO: Two kids are found dead in a burning house. Their aunt shrugs it off and says that she hopes her purse with food stamps is okay.

This is Obama's America.

This is sickening and sad all at the same time.

Please LIKE, COMMENT, and SHARE this video.

An Emergency Communication to All American Patriots
Watch This Video Right Away Or You’ll Hate Yourself Later On}

Take a minute and go watch it. Seriously.

Now answer me 2 questions:
1. What the heck is wrong with this lady? She's psycho.
2. What does this woman have to do with Obama???

That's like blaming Truman, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan and Bush for Ted Bundy. Seriously. That's just freaking stupid. There are twisted people in the world. Sick, twisted, horrible people. Ted Bundy, Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Casey Anthony, and the list goes on and on. But seriously. If you're going to blame someone for the stupidity of a person... at least make an accusation that makes sense. When you take a video of a stupid woman like that, and blame Obama (or anyone else for that matter! Blame Oprah, Donald Trump, Goat cheese!) for her stupidity and I just realize how ignorant (or stupid) you are.

Of course, I'm not trying to jump into politics here. This has nothing to do with politics. It has everything to do with stupidity and ignorance, both of which are plaguing our country. It's not just affecting our youth, though. It's contagious and has wormed its way into the minds of all ages. It's a sickness.

I can look past ignorance for the most part, because it's a lack of information. Ignorance can be helped, overcome, or whatever you want to do to fix it. Stupidity, however, is inexcusable. For stupidity, you see, is a choice to be ignorant.

This is harsh, I know. But here's how you can tell the difference between someone who is ignorant or just stupid:

So next time you're about to get worked up about an argument you're having with someone else, ask yourself these questions: "Is this person ignorant? Stupid? Will my response make me sound ignorant? Stupid?" If your answer to any of these questions is "yes," then you need to just calm down and walk away, because odds are... it's just not worth the argument. However, if your answer to all of the above is a resounding "no" then you better argue the hell out of it. Win that argument.

"Studying"

I love cold gray days. There is something so peaceful in the lingering nature of the clouds that hang above us. I'm not exactly sure what these days remind me of, but I know that I have nothing but fondness for the chill. I also love getting out of class after dark when daylight savings time is over; it makes me feel like I accomplished a lot. It's a nice feeling! I also love staring at people.

Of course, these wonderful gray days, where the sun sets by 6 has made this embarrassing hobby of mine a little bit harder, because I can't wear sunglasses. I have to mentally remind myself not to stare at people, because I'm not wearing something that hides my eyes. Personally, I would rather call it "studying" a person. It sounds a lot nicer and a lot less socially awkward.

I just felt judgement slap me in the face. But hey, that's me. I don't stare at people to judge them. I do it because I love details. I stare in your eyes while you talk because I love the freckle that sits beside your right eye. I love to notice the way your nose curves slightly at the end, or the way your muscles move beneath your skin when you run. I love to notice that you walk with a slight bounce, with your weight balanced on your toes rather than your heels. I also love to notice that you smack your mouth or moan when you eat something you love. I don't love when you do it, I just love to notice the little details about a person. It makes a person who they are. I love that. Sometimes I imagine the dialogue that goes on in your head. I find myself wondering what you're thinking about, and why it's making you fidget with your saxophone case. Sometimes I wish I could know. But maybe it's more fun to imagine. ("You" is not anyone in particular, rather a combination of people.)

Of course, I can hear my mother's voice: "Andey, it's not nice to stare." or "It's rude to stare." Or is it my mother's voice at all? This concept of etiquette has been drilled into our heads through various mediums since we were children. The blur of my mother's, meme's, and various TV mom's voices all kind of blend together, now.

It's interesting, though. Depending on the person you "study," it can be a negative or a positive thing. For example. There are some people that you can look at, and they assume that it's because you're thinking something horrible about them. I can't count the number of times that a fight would erupt in high school after a resounding "What are you looking at, bit*h?!"

But then, the other day, I had a different reaction. My roommate and I were sitting at a stop light, and it was raining quite heavily outside. My roommate laughs and says "Who does planks in the rain?!" I kind of laugh as I look over and see a guy getting up. I "study" him as he starts to walk away. He's a very nice looking man with beautiful muscles drenched in rain. He looks like he's staring at our car, and my roommate says "Andey, he's staring at us!" And I keep watching him. He can't see through the tint of my window. Suddenly, he waves. I wave back, and drive off as fast as I can. I'm not sure if I'm mortified or overjoyed that someone took staring so well!

You can tell a lot about someone, based on the way they take staring. If they freak out, they're one of two things: Paranoid or self conscious. If they embrace it, they're either crazy or way too over confident. (Both of which I admire.) So, if you catch me staring at you, don't think twice about it. I'm probably thinking about a way that I can incorporate you into one of my next stories or blogs!